I could never give up coffee
If someone made me choose between only having tea or coffee for the rest of my life, I could never give up coffee. It doesn’t matter that I prefer to drink a cup of Earl Grey every morning because it’s a gentler wake-up for me. And it doesn’t matter how many times you tell me about the notes of melon and raisin or plum and currant or milk chocolate — I’ll always tell you that tea has more flavors and that I like it better.
But I could never give up coffee.
***
We haven’t been on many dates yet, and besides, you’re still kind of new here. It’d probably be nice if we exhaled and put our shirts back on, separating just long enough to go somewhere together and talk to each other face to face. And it doesn’t matter that we already said everything we would ever say to one another the first moment we locked eyes. Let’s go get some coffee, you say. I order a small black coffee because I’ve only just barely started drinking it and I don’t know what any of the words on the menu mean and I’m screaming inside, reminding myself to play it cool in front of you. You coolly compliment the barista’s tattoos, order a cappuccino, and offer to pay.
We grab a table, ignoring the warm clay-red walls and mismatched chairs and jam-band playlist of the café. You say you think it’s funny that I only ordered a black coffee and said I was welcome to order something a little fancier if I wanted. I tried to shrug it off insisting that’s all I like, and we probably talked about music and hobbies and school for the next hour. You bought me a refill and I learned that if I had to suffer through that café’s bitter black coffee that made me far too jittery in order to get to look in your eyes and listen to you talk, I’d drink coffee every day until I was six feet under.
***
I’m in my junior year of college and can’t focus on my homework in our apartment. It’s messy because I can’t pull myself away from you long enough to get any cleaning done. Let’s go to a café, you say, you’re always able to get more homework done there. You’ll be there, I say, and you’re a distraction. You smile and help me pack up my books and my headphones and laptop. You help me put on my jacket and kiss me on the forehead. I order a cappuccino this time, because you let me try yours once and it tastes better than black coffee and I like the foam. After a few refills, I get all my work done and you sit beside me the whole time, reading and smiling whenever you glance up and our eyes lock.
***
Over the years, we come to rejoice in the delights of diner coffee. After all, there’s nothing quite like it, and even mere mention of the phrase “diner coffee” evokes a specific scent and taste that neither you nor I have been able to find anywhere else. And even if we did, we’d never give up diner coffee because that’s where we keep our late-night talks and hopes and dreams and our best memories. You’re on one side of the table and I’m on the other, fidgeting with the sugar packets while you flip through the menu. You order breakfast and I get a chicken fried steak and all is right with the world as long as the small well-worn mugs keep getting refills.
***
Your Chemex makes better coffee than the French Press we used to have, you say. And that works better than the Mr. Coffee we bought, which is better than what the local coffeehouse brews. You spend hours researching coffee contraptions and beans and filters, telling me about the the new brewing methods you’ve discovered and how they express the oils better. You spend money on coffee that only you drink and you can’t help but tell me every secret you ever learned about coffee even though I won’t remember them, and I’ll never give up the coffee.
***
Coffee is what you get me when I’m doing homework, or writing. Going to coffeeshops is what we do to fill the time before flights and after stressful family get-togethers. It’s what we drink on dates. It’s what we drink when we’re on vacation. It’s what we drink every time we get in our car. It’s our go-to drink when we’re happy, when we’re sad, even when we’re stressed. It’s one of my favorite ways that you tell me you love me.
You’re the only person I drink coffee with. I could never give up coffee because coffee is home. Coffee is you.
